The original article can be found on SFGate.com here:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/g/a/2002/12/04/notes120402.DTL
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Wednesday, December 4, 2002 (SF Gate)
Jesus Drives A Hybrid/In which it is revealed what cool wheels the Almighty would desire, and why Satan drives a Hummer
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist


And hot on the holy heels of the cute and endlessly annoying
bumper-sticker-riffic "WWJD?" phenom, which apparently includes not only
"What Would Jesus Do?" but also "What Would Jesus Drink?" and "Where Would
Jesus Defect?" and "Why Would Jesus Disco?" is the mixed blessing of --
and no one is making this up -- "What Would Jesus Drive?"

It is a mini movement. It is a makeshift religious cause. It is,
apparently, not a joke. "WWJ Drive" is a bizarre and adorable little group
of sensitive soft-focus environmentally conscious caring Christian Bible
thumpers who are clearly asking the most pressing questions of the day.

Most notably, if Jesus had been, say, cryogenically frozen like Walt
Disney and was successfully thawed out today and really needed to hit the
Costco or suffer the last temptation of Berkeley by enduring the hellspawn
nightmare that is the Bay Bridge commute, what kind of vehicle would His
Most Pious of Holy Selves pilot?

Jesus, of course, would drive a hybrid. Maybe a moped. Bike. Holy blessed
Segway. This is the overall message of "WWJ Drive?" Jesus loathes them
Earth-hating gas guzzlers.

Christ Himself is of course omnipotently aware and attuned and ever
sensitive to the Goddess Mother Earth, and hence loves cars that crank out
a good 65 mpg, more on the downhills, top down and hippie hair flyin',
blaring POD or "Highway to Hell" or maybe some old Skynryd, bumper sticker
resplendent: "I Am My Co-Pilot."

Jesus, according to the "WWJ Drive?" site, most certainly does not drive
the all-American vehicle, one of those titanic land slabs favored by true
patriots everywhere, the bloated oil-sucking reason-we're-going-to-war
SUV, Satan's own Ford Excursion, with the gun rack and the knobby tires
and the nonexistent cornering ability.

This iteration of "WWJD" is one of those precious mixed-blessing messages
for liberals and atheists and happy pagans and the rest, those of us who
are equal parts amused and horrified by those hardcore pro-family
anti-everything-else flag-waving proto-Christian groups in places like
Kentucky and Colorado Springs.

Of course you want to support their cause. Of course you want to highlight
the general idiocy of buying a shiny monster Escalade to pick up the dry
cleaning as you block out the sun and run over a pinecone and roll over
and burst into flames. Of course you want to emphasize the need to get
away from earth-crushing tanks, from our infamously oily addictions. But
this?

Leverage the all-encompassing divine myth of Jesus -- eternal,
never-ending, alleged savior of all humankind, Zen master, conscientious
objector, ballerina/hockey player, etc., etc., and so forth -- to promote
small, fuel-efficient cars?

Well, sure. Why not? Maybe these cute pious nutcases are on to something.
Maybe it's time we started reclaiming Jesus as the ultimate radical
liberal. Divine anti-SUV atheists and Prius-driving Bible-quoting
Christians -- stranger bedfellows there certainly have been.

Perhaps it is the conservative agenda that is more perplexed by such a
movement, such a message. These are the leaders, the administrations who
trash His fine name every day, employing it to start wars and justify
assassinations and explain away violent invasions, all with a nice dose of
snickering our-God-is-better-than-your-God solipsism.

They do not want to hear, naturally, that the historical figure of Jesus
was a serious pacifist, a healer, a sage, an activist, bucking an uptight
system and leading repressed people to a new ways of thinking, away from
Rome's draconian homeland security.

They do not want to know that Jesus was a true radical. A renegade. A
progressive humanitarian, a wanton liberal, a prototypical Earth
First!-er. Jesus wore funky sandals and loathed war and proved the ol'
violent retaliatory eye-for-an-eye mentality is for wimps and fools and
spiritually bereft suckers.

He was anticorporate and iconoclastic and independent. He questioned
authority. He infuriated the religious leaders of his day, enraged the
general populace, made heretical statements. He makes a terrific
bobblehead. Actually, not to put too fine a point on it, but were Jesus
alive today, most God-fearing Christians and U.S. attorney generals would,
you know, hate Him.

Perhaps this is the most titillating aspect of using Christ's name to
promote modern issues surrounding transportation and pollution and Marina
girls who couldn't parallel park their Expeditions if their $50 manicures
depended on it.

The "WWJ Drive?" movement is beyond cute. It is a radical statement of
individual thought and spiritual questing and environmental awareness we
should embrace and take immediately to the next level. Jesus for governor!
Jesus for Green Party candidate! Jesus is the new black!

After all, What Would Jesus Desire? Why, peace and individual
doctrine-free spiritual inquiries and no more warmongering or spitting in
the street. Maybe a little less hate and bombing and sanctimonious puling
in His name, a nice foot rub, hanging with his pal Buddha, watching
"Baraka" on DVD on a mile-wide screen.

And, of course, He would probably love, say, a shiny, efficient new Mini
Cooper -- with a Son-roof, natch.

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Mark Morford's Notes & Errata column appears every Wednesday and Friday on
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